choice
No content on this page itself — see linked references below.
26 linked references
What are the components or dimensions required for collaborative culture?
would be interesting to also list components that aren't … › Eric > in particular, things that people think are requir… › are actually in the way
April 6th, 2025
- I've been thinking about faith, and it seems to me that it relates quite interestingly to commitment/choice is a confused way to relate to stances/mindsets
March 6th, 2025
- > This is interfering with people finding a life partner: “FOBO, or fear of a better option, is the anxiety that something better will come along, which makes it undesirable to commit to existing choices when making a decision”. At some point, one must choose and commit.
- from a friend on fb ., quoting
- (this article mostly doesn't talk about marriage proposals)
- my reply:
- > I'm very surprised to hear you say this, because I have been regularly (including as recently as yesterday) quoting something you said last year about the idea that it's not so much "choose and commit" but that if you go through the right process, you'll suddenly *realize* that this is your best option. And that that realization will feel *obvious*, not like a "choice" at all, let alone a difficult one. The clarity will be experienced as a relief of that anxiety, not as an attempt to overcome it. This is how I see it (and what I teach in eg mating.nonnaivetrust.dance/)
The way you phrased it was something like "you'll stop wondering 'is this the best I can do?' and suddenly go 'whoa! this *IS* the best I can do!' and it'll feel like a relief and a clarity and a huge joy, not like resignation or gritting one's death and deciding".
And the "one must choose and commit" message in this post seems totally counter to that.
July 19th, 2024
- something I want to write/draft... #blogpost integrity choice commitment acceptance isn't the same as acceptance
- acceptance plays very complexly with choice, commitment, and integrity
- both past choice and present choice
- provisionally, it seems to me that insofar as a commitment isn't made freely, then if it takes will to maintain and there's a real possibility of exiting it, it will
- the central example of all of this is marriage
- arranged marriage never had the illusion that you were supposed to choose in the first place. you could influence it a bit but the commitment was barely even something YOU were doing
- and if you hated your experience of being married to this person, well, too bad, many people do, and you live with it
- chosen marriage in a context where divorce is impossible except abuse...
- has
- contrast this with the very different kind of commitment that it is to have kids with someone
December 17th, 2022
- Self-reinforcing & self-fulfilling stances
- I was talking with some friends about some related questions today, and noticed that there's another lens on the role of choice in mindset dynamics, which is in the realm of self-fulfilling... beliefs? Stances? I'm not sure what to call them exactly, but basically the thing where to a large extent people who treat the world as hostile will encounter a hostile world, and people who treat the world as friendly will encounter a friendly world. Thus, since either belief is true for those who hold it, might as well choose the one you want. I've oriented to growth mindset like this, for sure. In some sense, arguably, this is even what a mindset is.
- It seems to me though that this runs into exactly the same issue though, where if the choice is so obvious that why does it even seem like a choice? Answer there, it seems to me, is usually that the choice as conceived is still missing some other knowing. Sure, in general people who treat the world as friendly will encounter a friendly world, but does that account for the time you (or someone you know) got screwed over by trusting?
December 12th, 2022
- what am I trying to say in this post about choice, that I haven't already said in commitment/choice is a confused way to relate to stances/mindsets?
- (pulling from either the late-2021 draft or the recent draft)
- something I'm noticing is that in the context with MS or whoever where I'm talking about these ideas, there's often a lot of other stuff in the background
- including
- seriously questioning whether choice exists at all
- the divine will
- like what are the key bullet points?
- choice is about self-other boundary clarification
- choice has something to do with
- trust and opening to collaboration
- it seems to be possible to make a choice (including to collaborate) on one scale via forcing on the smaller scale
- this can be a useful move for getting a taste of things but isn't stable
- something (not in these drafts yet?)
- about the kind of choice that's about choosing between ice cream flavors
- or choosing whether to go to a party
- more scraps from 3rd blog post
- The case study of loud music: while I write this, I'm listening to Glitch Mob on some decent-sized speakers at a fairly hefty volume, and enjoying it tremendously. I'm tracking that the bass is probably audible from the apartment below me. I'm guessing that given that those neighbors also listen to loud music fairly often, that they'll have a relatively easy time imagining my experience and being glad that I'm enjoying my music tremendously. That's how I feel when I hear theirs. But there's still a puzzle of calibration, and if they were trying to have a quiet dinner party, or sleep, I'd want to know that. But would they tell me? They wouldn't if they assumed that I'm just an asshole who doesn't care.
- Something here feels sort of related to the parable about heaven & hell and the long forks.
- May each aspect's apparent resistance to dialogue be seen as it standing for the integrity of what dialogue looks like to it, and not losing that integrity to someone else's idea.
December 10th, 2022
- so it's becoming more clear to me that choice...
- a few different kinds of
- present will: using will in this moment to make something happen in this moment, without trying to constrain the future in any way
- my main this-is-good-actually example is lifting heavy weights
- this requires learning the difference between these two kinds of resistance
- "it's too harrrrd"
- "this is gonna fuck me up if I keep going"
- and also maybe requires dialoguing with the "it's too hard" voices in a moment other than when under load
- and maybe the good cutting-through insight moves are also kind of like that in a different way
- it's like "I'm gonna make one cut that I think will be clean and lead to tons more untangling and repair"
- but there's no further forcing
- like it's a single stroke that
- if it meets resistance releases
- and even if it penetrates, it doesn't press further
- contracts/commitments: something where given sufficient/full alignment under current circumstances, one decides to lock in a certain kind of relationship
- eg
- a marriage
- devotion to a guru or spiritual path
- but those are quite rare—the sort of thing one does a few times in life
- and even in either of these cases... if that commitment does come to be occluding something, then there's a need (for sanity) to be able to look, while honoring the commitment
- in some sense having a kid is sort of a similar thing but it doesn't happen via the same mechanism for several reasons
- and it's still only a handful of times
December 8th, 2022
- lots of great stuff here about choice
- god will unfold god
- exaptation
- MO > if there is nothing god is telling me to do in a given moment, then I do whatever the fuck I want, and that's choice / free will
- MS > whoa, yup, clicks. but means you can't value having choice, or you disincentivize hearing god
- MO > you get free will / choice, but you don't get to demand it
- MO > you get to choose what flavor of you you want to forever embed into the blockchain that is the upward spiral
- everything else just happens - it's not up to me, so this is the only Q
- noticing where choice is real
- if you're confused about where you can or cannot choose
- choice of turning away from god?
- Bonds that make Us Free
- MS >
- NNTD derives free choice
- Prime derives [listen to God] choice
- NNTD as perfect forcelessness
March 25th, 2022
I used to think collaborative culture was about getting p… › there's a sense in which, if you can see the collaborativ…
Podcast summaries
- Keywords - brain hemispheres coercion what is coercion? productivity scapegoat Everyone is basically living in a dream mashup of their current external situation & old emotional meanings everyone is constantly overgeneralizing Conversation As Medium make shared or different frames explicit shared train of thought do people naturally self-regulate how deep they're willing to go? commitment/choice is a confused way to relate to stances/mindsets dream mashups Unlocking the Emotional Brain IFS partswork what might a healthy community look like? doing community well The Master and his Emissary intro left hemisphere right hemisphere Behavior: The Control of Perception Perceptual Control Theory Hemisphere DharmaChange doesn't just happenHemispheres & Self-improvement left hemispheres aren't made for interfacing with other people Perceptual Control Theory control systems
- Keywords - brain hemispheres McGilchrist's brain hemisphere model Perceptual Control Theory barn-raising Internal Family Systems blindspot blindspot feedback is hard (but possible!) it's only possible to be rational within a frame make shared or different frames explicit Change doesn't just happen Intend productivity Intend Philosophy & Paradigm how to think about goals PCT internal conflict much of human collaboration scales sublinearly but it's possible to scale superlinearly What are the components or dimensions required for collaborative culture? Geoffrey West Questions for teasing apart the concept of commitment commitment/choice is a confused way to relate to stances/mindsets Everyone is basically living in a dream mashup of their current external situation & old emotional meanings everyone is constantly overgeneralizing acceptance isn't the same as acceptance safety self-trust right hemisphere left hemisphere self-energizing
With Jonny Miller — Podcast with Jonny Miller Transcript › Outline of ideas discussed. (I'm M, Jonny is J)
- 1:02:27 - 1:10:32 - Why is Ian McGilchrist's brain hemisphere model valuable? McGilchrist's brain hemisphere model brain hemispheres much of human collaboration scales sublinearly but it's possible to scale superlinearly What are the components or dimensions required for collaborative culture? Geoffrey West Questions for teasing apart the concept of commitment commitment/choice is a confused way to relate to stances/mindsets
- 26:36 - 39:37 - How do we use resistance and self-coercion to make better life decisions? do people naturally self-regulate how deep they're willing to go? commitment/choice is a confused way to relate to stances/mindsets dream mashups
December 29th, 2021
- this question, and how the elements relate, is sort of discussed in a thing I'm working on writing today, trying to reintegrate the concept of choice in the wake of commitment/choice is a confused way to relate to stances/mindsets
- google docs link (currently not public)
- the main element incorporated so far is expanding awareness
November 5th, 2021
- oh huh, I could use meta-protocol as the concept for the commitment/choice is a confused way to relate to stances/mindsets post
- tho it's not published yet 😅
- R > this goes doubly true if the thing you're talking about is something that's not able to be cached
- what's not able to be cached?
November 1st, 2021
- Questions for teasing apart the concept of commitment (as a dialectic way commitment/choice is a confused way to relate to stances/mindsets)
- why do you feel you need to commit?
- what would happen if you didn't commit?
- are all of your parts committed?
- (case study of a country or company committing to something)
- how does your whole/Self commit on behalf of your parts?
- if you have a commitment to caring for your parts, do they trust that?
- what happens if you discover you don't seem to be acting the way you intended when you made the commitment?
- how do you think about competing commitments?
September 5th, 2021
I'm thinking more about my Sequence on NNTD and about this: › I feel like some of what I'm trying to say would benefit … › and I had a few ideas: › 1. make 2-3 separate lists of which topics in the current… › for instance, these ones are kind of clearly looking at t…
- and commitment/choice is a confused way to relate to stances/mindsets is kind of on that level too
June 28th, 2021
- oh! I could write up a #blogpost on commitment/choice is a confused way to relate to stances/mindsets in the context of Book/The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership
- my friend asked me what I thought of the 15 commitments of conscious leadership and I was like "the content of them seems great but committing to things like this seems to me to undermine the very mindset shift being pointed at here"
- thinking that rejects other thinking relates to this
- I think that choice only makes sense in relation to problem-solving or something
- I came up with an articulation that I'm not totally satisfied with but it points at something decent
- that's something like "never commit to anything you could imagine noticing you've already/accidentally failed to do"
- in other words, the commitment needs to be on the level of something you can achieve by failing in the process
- and where failing in the process doesn't imply that you aren't committed
- for example
- committing to marriage could make sense
- you are going to hurt the person, and be frustrated, and whatnot, but the thing you don't give up on is the process of figuring out how to make that work
- committing to a teacher-student relationship (in either direction) could make sense
- committing to sticking with a company until you find product-market fit
- committing to spending your life solving a particular problem
- but probably much better than "never XYZ" is to just speak to what happens if you try (and do fail)
- let's first acknowledge that you probably have no reason to commit to listening to music you like and not music you don't like—no need to commit, since you're just going to do it already
- so the very context of feeling the need to commit suggests that parts of you have doubts or conflicts or hesitations or suspicions or resistances or disagreements - parts of you think "this is a bad idea"
- in order to properly commit to something like a marriage, you want to at least formally invite all of those parts to veto the decision if they really aren't into it, and to be open to evolving in some not-predetermined way if you decide to go with it, in order to make good on it
- this means committing to something means saying "I'm going to do this no matter what, even if it's a bad idea"
- now, in relation to actual logistical choices like choosing to get on a plane or not, you sometimes need to do things you're not sure about, but once you've done them it's too late to change your mind. you can fly home but you can't not-have-gotten-on-the-plane
- so the commitment is in the territory
- but in relation to ongoing ways-of-operating, committing to repeatedly choosing one action over another is counteractive rather than coherence empathy-based
- hmmmmmm somehow
- oh - this bit about choice by Michael Smith kind of points at examples of the sorts of things you legit can choose to do, eg to "do a thing every day for 40 days"
core principles of the NNTD
- The collaborative mindset is always preferable to the coercive mindset
- "anything coercion can do, collaboration can do better"
Sequence on NNTD
- choice / commitment doesn't make sense for mindset, where the choice should be obvious and if it's not, you're confused
- may relate to chapman's bit about committing to confused stances - I tweeted him some questions about this June 14th, 2021ish
- I have a piece of writing on this that's near-ready, but I'm just not sure what name to use for the good mindset
- which relates to the need for an introduction to the mindset & cultural platform shift