confusions people have about commitment or choice

March 6th, 2025

• confusions people have about commitment or choice, mating dance
  • > This is interfering with people finding a life partner: “FOBO, or fear of a better option, is the anxiety that something better will come along, which makes it undesirable to commit to existing choices when making a decision”. At some point, one must choose and commit.
    • from a friend on fb ., quoting
      • You've Heard Of FOMO, But What Is 'FOBO'? Here's How To Spot This Damaging Issue.
        • (this article mostly doesn't talk about marriage proposals)
    • my reply:
      • > I'm very surprised to hear you say this, because I have been regularly (including as recently as yesterday) quoting something you said last year about the idea that it's not so much "choose and commit" but that if you go through the right process, you'll suddenly *realize* that this is your best option. And that that realization will feel *obvious*, not like a "choice" at all, let alone a difficult one. The clarity will be experienced as a relief of that anxiety, not as an attempt to overcome it. This is how I see it (and what I teach in eg mating.nonnaivetrust.dance/)
        
        The way you phrased it was something like "you'll stop wondering 'is this the best I can do?' and suddenly go 'whoa! this *IS* the best I can do!' and it'll feel like a relief and a clarity and a huge joy, not like resignation or gritting one's death and deciding".
        
        And the "one must choose and commit" message in this post seems totally counter to that.