self-trust
No content on this page itself — see linked references below.
16 linked references
June 10th, 2025
- my threads on twitter - new short one on trust, vibes with trust as an unquestioning attitude, uses a tool metaphor for trust, and gets at the power of self-trust for allowing you to be less concerned with other-trust
April 1st, 2024
- the yang to post-regret's yin — acceptance isn't the same as acceptance, the obstacle is the way, self-trust comes from respecting distrust
- In a world of karma and causality, "Changing the past" is the only thing worth striving for.
You are trapped, inexorably, on a rail-path that pulls you into the future that the past created.
You cannot make anything in the future 'better' without in some way changing the past.
The Trying-To-Be-Wise say, "You shouldn't try to change the past; you should try to accept it."
What do you think changing the past feels like, from the inside?
Once the past has truly changed, you don't *feel* it as changed; you feel it as has-always-been.
"Failure to accept the past" is merely the experience, from-the-inside, of what it means to need to change the past.
"Accepting the past" is merely the experience, from-the-inside, of having changed the past so that a better future can happen.
everything makes sense
- And also that if something feels off to you and it feels lie-shaped, then there's something that makes sense about your distrust, and self-trust comes from respecting distrust
January 25th, 2022
- I've mostly had a pretty decent relationship with myself, so I resonate with "largely true, false for me". I did at one point in ~2015 notice that I was trying to motivate myself towards doing homework with a "get your head out of your ass and just do it" energy and then I realized with someone walking me through an emotional introspection process that I was ALSO the person TO WHOM I was saying "get your head out of your ass" and then I felt sad. I didn't want to be yelled at! (I also "didn't want" to yell at people (in this case myself) I just didn't know what else to do.)
- So there's also something about like, do you identify with the part of you who is telling yourself what to do and sometimes frustrated you won't do it, or do you identify with the part of you that is constantly getting berated by the inner critic and feeling not good enough? Power-over or power-under? And maybe for some people it goes back & forth. I could imagine this paragraph doesn't apply to Duncan Sabien at all though.
- On a different level of abstraction, I think "abuse" is kind of a bad frame for this (and also a bad frame for most, though not all, of interpersonal harms). But most people most of the time don't respect that people have coherent reasons for doing what they're doing, and also they don't respect that they themselves have coherent reasons for doing what they're doing. As I sometimes like to put it, "if what you/he were doing didn't make some sort of sense, you'd be doing some *different* apparently-senseless thing!"
- And their strategies (inner & outer) are therefore engaged in various distrustful battles, wishing the other would just give in. This approach to conflict is wasteful like running your AC to try to cool down your house when your furnace is also on trying to warm your house.
- Here's a case study of me exploring an approach for creating a different quality of dialogue internally. It's notably different than double crux in that it assumes both perspectives are in some sense right and seeks to find out how that's possible, rather than seeking to find out which is right.
Podcast summaries
- Keywords - cooperation & defection aren't as obvious as they might seem (they depend on frame) IFS collective agency untangle self-authoring social technology is more of a bottleneck than material technology intentionality everyone is always doing whatever makes the most sense to them partswork Coherence Therapy everything makes sense Everyone is basically living in a dream mashup of their current external situation & old emotional meanings self-trust comes from respecting distrust Learning how to trust yourself when all men doubt you, but make allowance for their doubting too safety psychological safety Alfie Kohn punishment is goodharting waiting to happen protectiveness is damage control deliberate "negative reinforcement" is punishment even if you don't call it that intrinsic motivation adulthood An Everyone Culture in general, people don't not-care. they care about many things and don't know how to care for all of them together (PCT) reward is just the temporary relief of punishment scarcity much of human collaboration scales sublinearly but it's possible to scale superlinearly what is culture? how do we make groups with the union of their individual wisdoms rather than the intersection of their individual wisdoms? list of common schemas learned in school School is fake averagerianism post-average
- 6:56 - 11:17 - If disentanglement isn't about maximizing agency, what is it about? How do we become more deliberate about our time and actions? untangle intentionality everyone is always doing whatever makes the most sense to them partswork Coherence Therapy everything makes sense dream mashups Everyone is basically living in a dream mashup of their current external situation & old emotional meanings self-trust comes from respecting distrust Learning how to trust yourself when all men doubt you, but make allowance for their doubting too
- Keywords - brain hemispheres McGilchrist's brain hemisphere model Perceptual Control Theory barn-raising Internal Family Systems blindspot blindspot feedback is hard (but possible!) it's only possible to be rational within a frame make shared or different frames explicit Change doesn't just happen Intend productivity Intend Philosophy & Paradigm how to think about goals PCT internal conflict much of human collaboration scales sublinearly but it's possible to scale superlinearly What are the components or dimensions required for collaborative culture? Geoffrey West Questions for teasing apart the concept of commitment commitment/choice is a confused way to relate to stances/mindsets Everyone is basically living in a dream mashup of their current external situation & old emotional meanings everyone is constantly overgeneralizing acceptance isn't the same as acceptance safety self-trust right hemisphere left hemisphere self-energizing
- 51:59 - 1:05:18 - How can we make quality conversations more widespread? much of human collaboration scales sublinearly but it's possible to scale superlinearly contradiction SimPol John Bunzl greet your thoughts with kindness self-trust self-validation everyone is constantly overgeneralizing
With Jonny Miller — Podcast with Jonny Miller Transcript › Outline of ideas discussed. (I'm M, Jonny is J)
- 1:17:54 - 1:35:18 - How do you wake yourself up from dream mashups? How do you interact with people projecting their dream mashups on you? Everyone is basically living in a dream mashup of their current external situation & old emotional meanings everyone is constantly overgeneralizing acceptance isn't the same as acceptance safety self-trust right hemisphere left hemisphere
With Tasshin Fogleman — Podcast with Tasshin Fogleman Tra… › Outline of ideas discussed. (I'm M, Tasshin is T):
- 2:10:17 - 2:19:12 - Experiments or practices to help you be more attuned to social dynamics, underlying trust needs and trust dancing opportunities/moments in general trust-dancing Learning how to trust yourself when all men doubt you, but make allowance for their doubting too self-trust
thinking that rejects other thinking
- but also note how the thinking that rejects other thinking reinforces this distrust, rather than creating a learning ground for developing more non-naive self-trust
April 2nd, 2021
- relevant to developing self-trust & self-validation