Learning how to trust yourself when all men doubt you, but make allowance for their doubting too

Podcast summaries

• Keywords - cooperation & defection aren't as obvious as they might seem (they depend on frame) IFS collective agency untangle self-authoring social technology is more of a bottleneck than material technology intentionality everyone is always doing whatever makes the most sense to them partswork Coherence Therapy everything makes sense Everyone is basically living in a dream mashup of their current external situation & old emotional meanings self-trust comes from respecting distrust Learning how to trust yourself when all men doubt you, but make allowance for their doubting too safety psychological safety Alfie Kohn punishment is goodharting waiting to happen protectiveness is damage control deliberate "negative reinforcement" is punishment even if you don't call it that intrinsic motivation adulthood An Everyone Culture in general, people don't not-care. they care about many things and don't know how to care for all of them together (PCT) reward is just the temporary relief of punishment scarcity much of human collaboration scales sublinearly but it's possible to scale superlinearly what is culture? how do we make groups with the union of their individual wisdoms rather than the intersection of their individual wisdoms? list of common schemas learned in school School is fake averagerianism post-average

• Keywords: NNTD, Home, everyone will constantly point out ways in which things are incomplete, Learning how to trust yourself when all men doubt you, but make allowance for their doubting too, community, what might a healthy community look like?, complaints are sacred: how we affirm our values, protectiveness is damage control, defensiveness = protectiveness, Everyone is basically living in a dream mashup of their current external situation & old emotional meanings, sometimes things need to be said even though they feel like they really really should go without saying, What is Blame?, everything makes sense, there's no way to communicate correctly or incorrectly - there's just what works in context and what doesn't work, apologize in the other person's frame; forgive in your own frame, power dynamics

• 6:56 - 11:17 - If disentanglement isn't about maximizing agency, what is it about? How do we become more deliberate about our time and actions? untangle intentionality everyone is always doing whatever makes the most sense to them partswork Coherence Therapy everything makes sense dream mashups Everyone is basically living in a dream mashup of their current external situation & old emotional meanings self-trust comes from respecting distrust Learning how to trust yourself when all men doubt you, but make allowance for their doubting too

• 16:38 - 23:51 - Trust Learning how to trust yourself when all men doubt you, but make allowance for their doubting too and its role in creating a healthy community, what might a healthy community look like?
  • 20:07 - M > And so there's this funny thing where -and I've noticed this more and more as I get into conversations, like the ones I imagine you have with many people on your podcast- one of the things I've noticed is that everybody's been burned in different ways and so their next project is mostly aimed at preventing that from happening again. And, sometimes, this is like a real big explosion burn. Other times, it's just more like, "Oh, I tried to do a thing in the corporate world and there was just a limitation; we could we could only get so far because we ran up against the, 'Well, the company's got to make money, and we can't do this social thing.'" And so then you encounter that kind of limitation, so you're [like], "Oh, I'll strike out on my own. I'll do my own thing." But then, other people have encountered the limits of "Oh, we were just going meta all the time - we never got anything done." And meanwhile, in other groups, it's like, "Oh, we kept just barging ahead and doing things that didn't make sense, because we couldn't stop to have conversations." So there's all these different ways that people compensate for how things have failed in the past, and in bringing any group together, you can find a group of people who've all been burned in similar ways and start a new thing, where you're all like, "Yeah, we're not going to do it in that way that we all messed up before." But then that group is probably going to be naive to some of the very things that have burned other groups. So the question is, if you can get a bunch of people who all have their own different experiences of something not working and then you can actually synthesize the collective sense of like, "Well, we can't do it that way because it'll fail like it did for Bob, and we can't do it that way because it'll fail like we did for Kathleen," and, you know, for a dozen other people, can you find a thing that actually feels non naive to everybody?

• 2:10:17 - 2:19:12 - Experiments or practices to help you be more attuned to social dynamics, underlying trust needs and trust dancing opportunities/moments in general trust-dancing Learning how to trust yourself when all men doubt you, but make allowance for their doubting too self-trust

October 8th, 2021

• Learning how to trust yourself when all men doubt you, but make allowance for their doubting too
  • twitter.com/rjnestor/status/1446891550290714625

Sequence on NNTD

• Learning how to trust yourself when all men doubt you, but make allowance for their doubting too
  • there's a lil vid on this, one of my first /100