sometimes things need to be said even though they feel like they really really should go without saying

April 25th, 2025

• sometimes things need to be said even though they feel like they really really should go without saying
  • "I don't want to sabotage the things you care about"
  • "that means a lot to me, and it's very relevant, and I don't think I'm in a place where I can really take it in"

September 5th, 2023

• maybe speak to it directly — sometimes things need to be said even though they feel like they really really should go without saying

July 31st, 2022

• sometimes things need to be said even though they feel like they really really should go without saying

Cointelligence R&D Lab Proposal

• for many people, this will go without saying, but for others not, and in any case sometimes things need to be said even though they feel like they really really should go without saying, so
  • when I'm talking about collective consciousness here, I'm not talking about some sort of merging in which people become all the same, or lose their individual identities
  • increased personal differentiation and selfhood is a vital part of being able to come into states of high group confluence

April 28th, 2022

• sometimes things need to be said even though they feel like they really really should go without saying

January 19th, 2022

• say the obvious — more precisely sometimes things need to be said even though they feel like they really really should go without saying

Podcast summaries

• Keywords: NNTD, Home, everyone will constantly point out ways in which things are incomplete, Learning how to trust yourself when all men doubt you, but make allowance for their doubting too, community, what might a healthy community look like?, complaints are sacred: how we affirm our values, protectiveness is damage control, defensiveness = protectiveness, Everyone is basically living in a dream mashup of their current external situation & old emotional meanings, sometimes things need to be said even though they feel like they really really should go without saying, What is Blame?, everything makes sense, there's no way to communicate correctly or incorrectly - there's just what works in context and what doesn't work, apologize in the other person's frame; forgive in your own frame, power dynamics

• 27:08 - 32:17 - Everyone is basically living in a dream mashup of their current external situation & old emotional meanings and this is an important recognition when trying to build trust. sometimes things need to be said even though they feel like they really really should go without saying
  • 28:10 M > Having said that, there is something about, like... say you've got this kind of classic relationship dynamic where somebody is projecting their father onto their partner or whatever, right? One way to describe what's happening there, or they're projecting their past, abusive ex on to the partner, whatever. One way to describe what's happening there is that in the person who's doing this "projecting" their system is saying, "I can't at present, tell the difference between you and someone who would hurt me." You may be different, but I can't see it and you need to do something, or we need to have a different kind of conversation in order for me to be able to relax into a sense of like, "Oh, yeah, I know that this is functionally different from that situation that hurt me." And this is very confusing, because if you are you with your partner and they are sending you an unconscious message that says, "I can't tell that you're not my ex." Again, a lot of this stuff happens in the frames, it's not really in the words. Like if it happens in the words, it becomes really obvious to both people usually, but when it's just implicit, it's like they're sending you a message saying, "I can't tell that you're not you know, this person who hurt me in the past," and you're like, "I'm definitely not." You can just tell that they are confused about something in how they're projecting on you. You can tell that they think you're someone that you're not. And, you know, of course you're not their ex, of course you're not their dad, you're not their mom or whatever.

September 5th, 2021

• sometimes things need to be said even though they feel like they really really should go without saying

September 2nd, 2021

• this feels like it's embodying something like sometimes things need to be said even though they feel like they really really should go without saying
  • and in particular, there's a tone of reassurance here that is uncommon
    • it could easily read as passive-aggressive or neurotic, and I'm not even 100% sure it isn't, but it's still a very different stance than the defensiveness = protectiveness anti-reassurance one that I sometimes held prior to discovering the NNTD

trust dance moves

• sometimes things need to be said even though they feel like they really really should go without saying

core principles of the NNTD

• sometimes things need to be said even though they feel like they really really should go without saying

Sequence on NNTD

• sometimes things need to be said even though they feel like they really really should go without saying
  • I kinda have a vid on this from Sept 2022