post-blame
No content on this page itself — see linked references below.
16 linked references
May 30th, 2024
- cool lil case study of... what do I want to tag this with. a very simple form of reconciliation, for one. two people get in a car accident, decades later he finds her to apologizing for breaking her spine but turns out it was chill and also she had blamed herself for the accident. oh right! also a great case study in blame, post-blame whose job is this?
November 21st, 2022
- there's a bit at @ 22:35 in MS convo
November 1st, 2021
- T > sorry as apology being more like the sorry after someone dies
- feeling sorrow with
September 15th, 2021
- post-post apology case study post-blame apology
- see recording of debrief w Eric
apologize in the other person's frame; forgive in your own frame
- wait actually see this page for the content of this thesis
September 4th, 2021
- started working a bit on post-blame apology, writing up a sort of blog post draft there
- feeling a bit stuck/bleh/whatever there though
- lemme quickly make sure to note down all thoughts I have briefly though before they're gone
June 27th, 2021
more speculative writing on NNTD (as contrasted with gene… › August 3rd, 2020 re differences in learning trajectory fo…
- If "I/we didn't do anything wrong" was as obvious to you as it is within a grounded post-blame mindset, then there's no need to even assert it. The assertion of it comes from a fear that that won't be obvious—an active maintenance of a non-blame frame in opposition to a fear of blame.
March 12th, 2021
- Interesting approach to post-blame - nobody is to blame and nobody is named "Cheryl"
March 2nd, 2021
- Re post-blame
- A friend expressed a kind of desperation that some pattern of theirs (I don't know what it was) might be "understandable" rather than "something that can be straightforwardly labeled as "bad" or "toxic""
- I responded with:
- I have a thing to share here, and I want to preface this by saying that you don't have to believe me (or if parts of you believe me and other parts don't, that's also aok 👍
- Whatever's going on for you, even if twisty & fucked up, is, from my perspective, understandable and not straightforwardly bad or toxic.
- This seems true to me in the same way in which if you were like "I'm worried that if I sail too far, I'll fall off the earth" I would be like "I don't know where you're going or what trials might await you, but, I'm pretty damn sure the earth is a sphere and that won't be an issue."
- Shifting gears from the naive flat earth model to a real outdated one... the perspective from which it could possibly be the case that something could straightforwardly be labeled "bad" or "toxic" seems to me confused in the same way that geocentrism is confused. Like yeah, it's a paradigm, and it makes a kind of intuitive sense since the earth certainly doesn't feel like a moving train if you're on it, but it's out of date and there's a better one where you don't even need epicycles.
- Now that I've written that all out, I want to re-iterate the bit at the top slightly differently: don't take my word for it. I grokked with parts of me that the earth goes around the sun (figuratively) long before any of that understanding seeped into the parts of me that had been forced by the inquisition to recant. And it's a whole process grokking that with one's whole system.
January 25th, 2021
- Cool tool for helping you troubleshoot having hurt someone. Haven't explored in much depth but it got recommended in Kevin Kelly's recommendo newsletter: post-blame NNTD
- Am I part of the problem?
- I just discovered this interactive (and empathic) tool that will walk you through how to apologize. It also helps you understand the difference between intent and impact and the different ways you can make amends — direct, indirect or by example. It's not designed to make you feel better about yourself, but instead is a useful practice in accountability. — CD
- and looking at it briefly I was broadly encouraged
What is Blame?
- "accurate & partial" as a tool for bridging the thinking to post-blame
- though "accurate & partial" isn't the same as blame
- In a context with a shared agreement to operate in a post-blame way
- In my 7 years of experience living & working in such a post-blame-oriented context, I've noticed that people are often pretty good at learning not to explicitly blame other people, because it's too obviously blame.
- But due to lack of understanding something of what I'm pointing here, there's still a tendency to