Coherence Coaching

functionless byproduct symptom

functionless helpless symptom

a discovery technique for functionless byproduct symptoms

step 1: what shift would you have to make so that [the symptom] would stop? what would have to change in your perspective, attitude, behavior?

step 2: (symptom deprivation)

very relevant for Goal-Crafting Intensive I think

"what would have to change for you to be able to do that?"

M > is there a reason not to start with this approach, in some situations?

After overt statement of an emotional truth to a relevant party

Is there anyone else you‘d like to say that to?

Who else comes to mind when you say that?

Visualize those people and use the overt statement again

(very similar to "what was the earliest time when you felt this way?")

Client repeatedly experiences a scene, alternating between having the symptom and not having the symptom

Powerful opportunity for client to notice her/his agency in creating the symptom for a purpose (“pivot into agency“)

Can have multiple versions of each

hearing what's underneath what people are telling you

eg someone says

Er > how to bring this up?

(is it okay to use a present example, eg if the client needs to reply to a text message right now)

can do it with coach saying first half of sentence and client just completing second half

don't be afraid to use it 10 times

aim: to help the client understand and remember the symptom

if doing this in second-person (eg "so afraid of losing you") feels too intense or blocked

problem (of the psp) & solution

"here's the lesser suffering I have to do to avoid the greater suffering"

"There‘s something you know about that..."

"That feels familiar in some way..."

"That feels important. Let‘s stay with that for a moment..."

"What are you noticing right now?"

"What‘s it like to be in touch with that?"

Have client tell relevant person what s/he just told coach...

"What do you experience when you tell him/her that?"

"What does that mean about you? about that relationship? about your life?"

we don't tend to ask "how do you feel?" questions

PSP, ASP

The Two Sufferings

Empathy

and something about respecting the person's choice of the lesser suffering, even if it seems worse from your perspective

me > yeah, often the output is from a conflict/compromise

Y > when conscious parts are winning over unconscious, we don't come to therapy

> “Perhaps "going away" as the desired resolution can concede its territory to a growing acceptance of the mechanism's karmic configuration. i.e., the problem isn't the problem - it's the very category of "problem" that can be remapped fundamentally to pure opportunity/offering.”

how to get people to commit harder

how to reframe things to trust more

in therapy/coaching, very easy to focus on changes you think will happen as a result of something, vs being in touch with whatever change is actually happening

“Coherence empathy for samsara”

Y > really good way of suggesting your idea, in a way that showed the enthusiasm behind it, without suffering the awkwardness one might in proposing such things

Y > calling it Active differential learning in my notes

(only works when the learners already have a lot of context)

"Anything learned in the presence of strong emotion"

thinking about emotional schemas as like ASICs, vs software

Elise > as coaches, we just don't know, we have no idea what's underneath things for our clients

Y > ~everything makes sense

Elise > "symptom" vs "target of change"

"what is the problem as you experience it" (to hint at this being experiential)

listen for 2 things

let the client tell you as much as feels important to say about the potent example

would like to practice overt statements

don't have to ask, can just say "correct me if I'm not understanding, and what I'm hearing is..."

"a part of you wants X, and at the same time, a part of you wants Y"