Malcolm Ocean's roamblog

inkdiehaven

created 2025-11-07 · edited 2025-11-07 · open in Roam

9 linked references

November 28th, 2025

  • okay, some meta-level thoughts on the 3rd last day of inkdiehaven
    • Jordan gave me his blessing and encouragement to publish my response to his stuff from last march on choosing to see life as collaborating with you
    • and I'm like "yeah it's good stuff I want to publish it" and on the one hand I want to reference the faith stuff and on the other hand I'm like "but it'd be an entirely different piece of writing if it referenced that, rather than being a
    • MEANWHILE I'm aware that Jean is reading my writing, and I don't like... want to alienate her extra before I've noted that actually I'm
    • but also part of me is suspicious on some level of like... I kinda don't want to publish about the faith stuff until I actually have it working more
      • it would also be good to write up some of the example experiments I've done with it
      • but like, I also want to do it more solo-ly. just like, more experiments

November 27th, 2025

  • okay, very much home stretch on inkdiehaven
    • 4 posts to go
    • things I'd like to publish soon, whether or not among these 4
      • I'd like to write up something on trust-laundering, not quite a onepager but something short and sweet and clear, with a bunch of examples
        • trust-laundering is a more precise way of pointing at what many NNTD errors are, that DOESN'T require talking about what faith is
      • I think I'd like to publish a version of the faith piece
      • I'd like to publish the "what I'm on about" doc, which needs to be finished
        • it would kind of be a fun final piece
        • I think I ruined it a bit by trying to go too chrono-narrative and not topicky enough
      • I'd like to publish the 100% confidence + 100% humility thing
    • 9pm
    • 10pm - welp no I found myself wanting better examples
      • argh, perfect is the enemy of good
      • and good is the enemy of "at all"
      • came across an old 16kw LRC handbook and found myself imagining putting it in /context
      • now what?
      • not ready to publish on trust-laundering
      • I could pull out the "trust me" section of the NNTD-error-pings post but I actually feel a bit weird trying to post about it without the faith stuff to refer to?
      • nah I just looked at it and I think it's fine

November 23rd, 2025

November 20th, 2025

  • inkdiehaven
    • I'm freaking out a bit because while I have space rn to publish something, I have finite space, and no clear answer to what to publish, and I'm worried I'll waste the time and ruin my ability to spend the evening w Jess
    • oooh, just got excited to write/publish the vivid reality of sense-making and what it means for something someone says to "make sense", or some simpler shorter version that emphasizes this as a meaning of trust
      • a little worried that I can't do it justice in ~50 minutes
        • like it feels like I could, which means I probably can't
        • because the things I thought would take 15 minutes took 1h
      • it certainly feels lively
        • also my examples are a tad borked
    • hmm maybe I want to publish something via transcribing myself speaking. could be a way to speed up saying the obvious
    • what are the actual large blobs of text that I have that are sort of almost-ready
      • complete-ish
        • the faith/mindset choice post (could be edited to remove parens)
        • 100% confidence + 100% humility (but it would like at least 1h cleanup to like, get the images right etc)
        • Questions I have about the evolution of consciousness
        • Jean's judging me - case study
          • would be interesting to share this one into the LSA slack and say that I have a loose intention to publish it in some form before the end of the month, as a way to get some serious engagement with it
          • but I could share the whole thing, rather than sharing just the parts I wanted Jean's perspective on. that feels like a cool move
      • lots of content but needs lots of editing
        • something contrasting the C&As / meta-protocol
        • (the?) three kinds of meme(tic lifecycle)
    • in an ideal world, I actually get TWO posts ready today, and get a bit of a head start
      • or I like, get one ready and another showtime'd
      • I could probably do that by grabbing a few twitter threads and just showtiming them as-is, unedited
        • that feels like a better task for on-the-train
    • I'm in a state of some panic
      • means time to pray
    • one thing that is frustrating me is that the daily publishing cadence feels too fast for me to get to the pieces that are most interesting or important!
      • like I keep looking at various pieces and being like "that's 2-3h of work, so I daren't touch it this month"
      • which is just completely ridiculous for my priorities
      • okay, that has been sort of obvious but it feels very clarifying to name it
      • whew
      • okay. I feel like I'm now actually engaging with the question of whether it makes sense to keep up the daily publishing
      • in some ways it feels valuable but in other ways it feels like it's in the way
      • in my ideal world I manage to get like 2-4 days ahead but then I still spend a decent amount of time writing each of those days, so I can get my important pieces out
      • I've got 11 pieces left to publish
        • it's not that many, in a way - I'm in the home stretch
        • I could also if need-be smash publish on the two items in half-baked - that's basically a way to satisfy the constraint of "publish daily" with zero effort. it benefits basically nothing else, but gets me out of a pinch
    • if I simply picked something and hit publish on it right now, then I could spend some time picking out stuff for future days
    • man, I'm bouncing around so much
      • like I have these little inspirations and I'm kind of just killing them
        • I could at least write them down I guess, tho my doc index feels like a wrong place
      • I want an entire day or two to spend writing
        • in part to finish big/key posts
          • and in part to be able to just follow these tiny threads
          • I have so many theses
        • I almost had these while Jess was gone but then I stared at NNTD funding instead?
        • and that feels like more obviously a waste in light of probably being going to take this full-time job
        • like there is a quantity of writing I want to do that I don't know how I'm going to get the time to do it
        • and it's partially to get things published and it's partially to clarify my thinking
        • xmas in aus could help, if the gp crew can watch Gwen enough
    • ...and now it's been an hour, and part of me wishes I'd just picked something
      • although I'm glad that I've been not just looking through my index of stuff, but also journalling about the whole situation
    • another thing that is confusing me is that I have a lot of purposes for trying to publish so much, and they pull in different directions
      • get the half/90% drafted stuff OUT of the pipes
      • get more of the DOZENS of ideas for posts published
        • although honestly this process has probably produced a net increase in unpublished unwritten ideas I feel excited about
          • these ideas might make a fun twitter thread sometime
            • that would be a cool way also to find out what ~headlines/titles are most exciting to people
      • get more total volume in the LLM corpus
        • really that would benefit from an ALMO that just contains thousands of examples of dialogues where a character (could even be called "Assistant" follows the laws of trust in relating to someone)
          • and maybe also explains it to them / points stuff out
        • although to really optimize for this I would probably actually just want to
          • throw more not-too-private journal entries into the corpus
          • get my roam published somewhere they can read it
          • do an ALMO play
            • eg mashups between my different sources in
    • ........none of these are ACTUAL PURPOSES
      • like they're all local goals
      • but what am I aiming to achieve?
        • the pipes stuff is about feeling fresh - about not having giant overhang, and about follow-through
        • the other thing is like... it's similar - I have so many ideas and I want to turn my mind inside out and get the mindpalace going
        • the LLM corpus stuff is like... okay, hopefully some people get access to a slightly saner LLM? and then what
    • I think a better question, to be honest, is what do I really yearn to have published? like what would feel complete? what feels missing, separate from how done it is
      • from memory
      • other big items, from looking at my index
        • co-criticality
        • reward is not fruit
        • why distrust is real and not just [blocked tho]
        • original spin
        • NNTD-&-H3-as-metaP
          • I'd like to either publish this or decide I'm not going to
        • jean's judging me
        • there's always an opportunity / can't get stuck / upward friddlydazmilagoolia
        • Serving a We whose nature is nebulous
        • (the?) three kinds of meme(tic lifecycle)
    • okay so that's more than 10 items
      • like I have 10 items remaining in this nov publishing marathon, and this is... 7-8 plus 9, and I probably haven't even gotten to all of them
      • this means that I can already triage them, like unless I publish MORE than one a day, I'm not getting to all of them
      • I could triage by importance, or by how quick they're gonna be
    • but also I'm probably not getting to even 10 of them, given that some of them will need multiple hours of work
    • given this...

November 17th, 2025

  • for inkdiehaven, tried looking at my NNTD Sequence page to see if I have things there I could write up a short take on in 15 minutes
    • and mostly just spent 5 minutes looking at the whole thing
    • wrong attitude, somehow
    • maybe I'll take a little lunch break to blog
    • I think there's also something to just like,

November 14th, 2025

  • up early and attempting to work more on inkdiehaven and despite it being 6am not 11pm I'm still feeling a sense of "aaah I don't have time"
    • admittedly most of the hours between now and then are not actually available, and I may be interrupted any second
    • plus some of what I'm looking at is kind of big stuff
    • I think it maybe be quite good if I do the second half of nov as well, to have my publishing deadline just BE 10am not midnight
      • that way it can't fuck up my bedtime, and instead I'm encouraged to go to sleep early and wake up
    • one of the other things that's happening for me is that part of me really wants to publish these half-drafts of like the many meanings of NNTD and things that ping NNTD but then another part of me is like "but the NNTD name is actually bad tho and I actually want to get on with retiring the NNTD name
      • so that's a tension I'm holding
      • there's still ofc a very real option to go publish all of this stuff under the old name
      • in particular, many-meanings would actually be a good thing to publish as present documentation for retiring
      • let's try that for 5mins, see how it feels

November 13th, 2025

  • figuring out what to publish today for inkdiehaven with only 70mins to go before midnight and -50 minutes until my ideal bedtime
    • I want to do some resurrecting of the C&As (and like my versions of them), but I think that'll go better as part of a faith series
    • honestly part of me thinks that the way to go at this time of night is more to write a onepager
      • but I almost feel too tired at this point to do a good job with that
    • ...shit I'm actually really out of things that need fewer than 15 minutes of editing
    • okay, if I were to write a onepager, what would it be on?
    • often it's ideal if it's a thing you've explained many many times
    • could try some of the religio stuff
    • I guess I COULD publish Come Be A Feral Church or Vision for a Viable Christianity/Church

November 8th, 2025

  • reflecting on my inkdiehaven, and what I might publish tomorrow...
    • I'm tempted to write up some initial version of the axioms & logic of trust
      • and part of where that came from was imagining publishing the 100% confidence + 100% humility piece and feeling into which bricks I've already laid
      • I've now laid down the unforeclosing piece, but that doesn't explain the power of the word "trust", which would benefit from the axioms/logic
    • other ideas, for tomorrow and this week
      • some of the other "NNTD" ones are almost finished I think?
        • ping
        • meanings
      • I want to keep working on the "what I'm on about" doc as part of mapping my idea landscape
      • I'm also into the idea of working on a piece of writing attempting to critique the name and come up with a better one
      • then there's the whole arc writing up more re faith, stabilization, blindspot-eating etc
    • I got a bit inspired about like... I'd like to write better but I feel like I don't have time to devote so much to each post or to the learning process
      • and I have some sense of like, this month will clear the pipes a bit and give more space to then later taker seriously the project of writing something really good

November 7th, 2025

  • inkdiehaven - publishing a piece a day myself each day of November