conviction vs confusion, as states
NVC > everyone’s a hero of their own story
trust => safe to not think about
“I don’t trust” vs “I can’t trust”
link to What Is Mindfulness?
“humans are beings that mean”
The Action Inquiry
E > why did I not interrupt Malcolm earlier?
M > from the part that wanted to speak, how’d you feel about the don’t-interrupt part?
E > “I am so valuable that you should say it right now”
E > I tolerate that guy… we’re on the same terms, but he did cut me off
M > from the don’t-interrupt part… what is it exactly that you don’t trust?
E > there’s a quality of early excitability - little-kid-like - not a sustained level of follow-through - initial idea comes like that
but when I actually sat in the part’s perspective, I realized that the wanted-to-speak part is a lot more mature than I thought
there’s a secure, sustained level of investment in that part’s ideas
“I don’t trust that part to come up with new ideas and sustain them”
“I don’t trust that that part isn’t just flittering from idea to idea”
M > so then I’ll invite the want-to-speak part to say “I respect that you can’t trust X”
M > going back: try “[I have to block you because] I can’t trust that you’re tracking social cues”
M > try “what would I have to do to earn your trust?”
E > I think the baseball cap doesn’t really know
M > or “what would I have to do for you to trust me more?”
E > nope, sorta feels like baseball cap is just forever vigilant
E > protector… job is to protect from [bad… awkwardness… shame, social failure]
Living Practice — to teach NVC, you have to do it in a nonviolent way
IFS - work is done between you & part, vs Gestalt work is done on rship between me & you