November 19th, 2021
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trust dance moves
Here's one model from August 3rd, 2020, with a bit of edi… › There are a couple of modes people are often in when trus… › People usually aren't consciously in control of which mod…
- added November 19th, 2021 in convo with Eric Chisholm - if people are really out of slack (eg person working paycheck to paycheck for an abusive boss) then they are in some sense maybe doing neither, but making the best available compromise
- can't trust their "no" or their "yes"
- but can honor that they are actually making the most of their situation given their capacity and their ontology and fractal careabouts
- relates to coherence empathy & second suffering
- "and this is why it doesn't pay to be a rescuer" - Eric
- the only way out of this, we think, is to get more slack
- which might involve material support
- or maybe the person needs therapy or some other meta-level help to get out of the situation
- or a friend to talk to to help them make sense of stuff
- or something
- of course, one is never obligated to support anyone in particular! if you don't trust yourself to support someone in a particular way without losing your own slack, don't do it! unless you want to!