guru dynamics
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4 linked references
September 5th, 2023
- common co-gnosis trap / guru dynamics
- "This behavior in our relationship has hurt me, and made me uncertain if you ever valued our work together."
- (real quote from a spiritual teacher to a student, from an email I read)
- this is super subtle and insidious
- one part of what gives it force is the projection from "I am uncertain" to "I am asserting doubt into our shared reality"
- this is arguably a variant of the mind projection fallacy
- one good response to this is "wow, this is genuinely causing you to doubt our whole history? sounds like splitting bro. why are you seeing things as so binary? sometimes friends hurt each other."
- in essence, since it is (usually) obvious to the other person that "of course I valued the earlier work together", stand in the power of that obviousness
- maybe speak to it directly — sometimes things need to be said even though they feel like they really really should go without saying
- say "I totally valued our work together, and am surprised you could doubt that unless you're making some sort of assumption that I'm not about what that would imply."
- the other part of this whole thing is a kind of renarrativizing the past in a way that others can tell is incomplete
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- authority can flow naturally without guru dynamics
July 19th, 2021
- quoted in its entirety:
- > An ethical teacher is simply someone who gives you THE OPTION to not be in a cult dynamic with them.
- > But you still have to exercise it.
- > Related, if you’re in a cult dynamic with a teacher it’s ultimately because you lack a developed centre, end of story.
- > And if you’re afraid of being in a cult dynamic with someone that’s always your shit to deal with by growing some maturity as a student - not the teacher’s.
- I partially agree with this and also think it's profoundly misguided as well. I would steer away from having a teacher-student relationship with a teacher who thinks they can fully assess whether they're doing anything culty, which is what this implies.
- In practice, many wise teachers give you the option to not be in a cult dynamic with them on one level, as long as you don't point out any of their blindspots on another level... at which point you're in a cult dynamic with them in precisely the ways they can't see or acknowledge.
- From the teacher's perspective—which is subject to the frame maintaining the blindspot—you absolutely have the option of not being in a cult dynamic. From a perspective outside the blindspot frame, that option doesn't exist. The teacher may go to great lengths to show you how to enter their frame so that you can experience this non-culty dynamic with them! Much of what they're saying will probably even be wisdom and generally-applicable.