February 24th, 2022 The Stoa session on NNTD
- notes
- if you can say, in an argument, "if I did what you're doing, that would mean XYZ" then the other person will realize that something means something to you, that they do not mean.
1 linked reference
February 23rd, 2022
- planning for February 24th, 2022 The Stoa session on NNTD
- thinking I might start with a bit of kind of surveying people about NVC
- like "who here has tried using NVC?"
- "who has experienced other people using NVC?"
- "who has experienced NVC breaking down?"
- "who has experienced breakdowns within or between some other protocols or way of communicating? circling, radical honesty, or even just differences between cultural norms like ask/guess culture?"
- using NVC-as-specific protocol as a case study
- and the breakdown of that when someone doesn't trust it as a way to prompt the question to which the meta-protocol / NNTD is an answer
- + this same process is what's needed to evolve Game B cultures
- and for Game B or partially-Game-B cultures to recognize each other
- no matter how great your culture is, in this era (unlike thousands of years ago) you need to also be able to interface with people who have different cultural assumptions
- worth noting that most of the development of NNTD I've done has been in the context of groups that are already quite high trust
- but it generalizes somewhat to dealing with some incident with your neighbor or a random person on the internet
- [could have used more stuff here about what trust is]
- then what other elements are important?
- respecting that people can't trust what they can't trust
- there's no right way to do communication, where if you do it that way you get to say "well, the other person defected"
- from their perspective, probably you defected
- meta-trust — capacity to sort shit out
- maybe the other elements from the NNTD "why the name?" post
- there are certain general traits & understandings that will make meta-trust way more workable
- eg that if two people disagree, that doesn't mean one is wrong
- and seeing how coercion & blame systematically create problems and that it's possible to do something else
- and the capacity to listen
- and self-trust to not lose touch with your own knowings
- but learning these is difficult, and even if you've had the insight on one level, it's very possible for it not to propagate to another area
- and other people may detect this and notice a blindspot etc
- and so it's important to not get attached to what you think you know