Culadasa

January 25th, 2021

• I read Culadasa's report
  • > Nonetheless, I not infrequently regretted the lengths I’d gone to in resolving certain situations, especially those involving conflict. But then I also felt I’d done the right thing, regardless of the cost, so I never felt a need to examine those regrets, or to question my behavior.
    • This is a very interesting bit related to post-regret. Points at the role of healthy regret, and the idea that if one's mind is dwelling on some decision or situation in a regretful way, then there may be something important to learn from that past thing, even if the regret energy itself is unhelpful.
  • > By always attempting to defuse rather than resolve her anger, I failed to ever understand what the source of that anger really was. For 30 years I kept asking her to explain her anger to me so I could change, but anger just doesn’t work that way.
  • > To me at least, that explains why our many arguments and discussions never led to true resolution, and kept repeating themselves for decades. Giving way can never lead to resolution. Resolution would have required both of us to stand our ground, rather than my acquiescence and
    attempts to placate. It would have required both of us to be willing and able to push when we needed to, and to push back when pushed, until we both became clear where we each stood, and why. That would have allowed us to come to a place of mutually acceptable compromise,
    acceptance of our differences, and a healthy loving relationship between two well-differentiated
    individuals.
    • Really great articulation of a NNTD-related thing