> if you live with someone and you're trying to make long-term peace with them
> they're not the same as you!
> and the way they look at the world and the facts they pull out aren't the same as your facts
> and even though you're going to be overwhelmed with the proclivity to demonstrate that you're right
> it is the case that 2 brains are better than 1
...
> what relationships are therapeutic? if you have a real relationship, it's therapeutic
> I'm on the side of the part of the person that wants to make things better, not worse
seems obvious to say "yeah good, not bad", but this whole framing could reinforce compartmentalization, tbh
no part wants things to be worse in its own terms
so the puzzle is figuring out why parts that are making things worse (in the terms of another, more vocal part, or in the terms of the therapist etc) actually see what they're doing as making sense
> if you listen to people they will tell you the weirdest bloody things, so fast you just cannot believe it. so if you're having a conversation with someone and it's dull, it's because you're not listening to them properly. because they're weird! they're like, wombats or albatrosses
> and if you aren't after [things being better], you have to ask "what else could you possibly be after?"
> the next time you get into an argument ... a rule. can only speak after having restated the ideas and feelings of the previous speaker accurately