protocol

October 20th, 2025

• 3 steps to empowered dialogue is a protocol based on NNTD
  • (and which to at least some extent I think you need to grok the core insight of NNTD in order to follow; it isn't easy to just simulate. although maybe for easier/simpler things, just like "oh, you're worried about being blamed? that makes sense, but I definitely don't see this as your fault. I just want you to know XYZ, and do with that info what you will")
  • in that sense, it's a... protocol with a meta-protocol step in it

October 11th, 2022

• a sentence about protocols aka "a specific trust-dancing style" from a doc
  • any given person (or group) has a sense of what makes them feel safe/high-trust, and they want others to do those things, but by default not all of those things are doable by other people in ways that are integrated etc

NNTD pith instructions discussion

• This in itself could be considered a pith instruction for NNTD, since it points at the flaw with any technique or process or mindset that claims that if you do it correctly and someone doesn't vibe with it, then there's sort of nothing you can do and they need to change. This flaw is what makes a protocol not a meta-protocol.

Spheres of Feedback

• For example, if someone says "this behavior I/you did wasn't in alignment" (or "didn't make sense") then unless there's a specific protocol it wasn't in alignment with, this functionally ends up being short-hand for "I/you shouldn't have done it"
  • This language closes off curiosity about the impacts, or about why in fact someone chose to do this behavior, given its apparent lack of sense.

• comparison of an observation to a protocol

• What defines a protocol?
  • • Protocol: one or more explicit if-then behavior specifications, plus the purpose of the protocol. In general, an ideal protocol is minimally ambiguous about both the situations in which it applies and the set of behaviors that constitute following or not following the protocol.
      • Examples:
        • Simple example:
          • If you have just uploaded a recording from the shared iPhone, then put a "u" in the filename so people know it has been uploaded.
          • #Why? This means people know which files can be safely deleted, and which can be accessed in Google Drive already.
        • No Questions Asked
          • If you want to know something, then rather than asking a question, focus on revealing the context of your curiosity.
          • If someone else asks you a question, then before immediately answering it
            • pause and consider how it lands for you
            • consider if you think you have the information from them that you need in order to answer
            • if they're also following the No Questions Asked protocol, then point out that they asked a question
          • #Why? This is part of an individual or collective experiment in paying more attention to the impact of how we speak, in this case the impact of questions.
          • #Why? It's also excellent practice ground for post-judgmental Protocol Observance