NNTD - why the name?
No content on this page itself — see linked references below.
3 linked references
December 29th, 2021
huh, was re-reading this old blog post of mine about trust › and it has me thinking that the Sequence on NNTD etc need…
- this is implicitly present in the NNTD - why the name? post re generalized trust, but it could be underscored a lot more I think
September 28th, 2021
list of projects in the meta-team as of today (from my pe… › active and/or completed › art collabs with Silvia Bastos
- NNTD - why the name? post
September 27th, 2021
- Working on NNTD - why the name? blogpost
- meta
- Ugh, it's so hard to figure out how to structure things! I kind of want a whole post (maybe a pretty short one) that's just about this "generalized trust" thing
- but I also kind of want to have the NNTD name one!
- does this matter that much?
- I guess part of the whole question is just like
- what questions are people asking? I want my blog posts to answer the questions they're actively asking
- not a lot of people are asking about NNTD directly yet, but in some sense anyone who is, those are the people I most want to be reaching
- fuckit, let's just do this post as-is
- and I'm also thinking about "repairing" as a thing
- from trust section
- this thing
- v0
- Certain situations have higher stakes than others, but for a moment let's consider this case—"[I trust] Ellen with my intimate secrets but not to return a $10 loan". It's pretty rare that someone wouldn't be *able* to return $10, on some reasonable timescale, so what's actually
- v1
- That’s a tough situation to be in, particularly if it doesn’t feel easy to talk about.
- In fact, it seems to me that the main thing that makes situations like this tough is that people don’t feel confident that they’ll be able to talk about it and reach some resolution. It’s fine to make a risky bet on someone and have that go poorly if you know it won’t ruin the relationship or result in you feeling like you got taken advantage of, or feeling blamed or disrespected.
- v2
- That’s a tough situation to be in, particularly if it doesn’t feel easy to talk about.
- In fact, it seems to me that the main thing that makes situations like this tough is that people don’t feel confident that they’ll be able to talk about it and reach some resolution. If you make a risky bet on/with someone and it goes poorly, there are two possible outcomes: ideally, the only cost is the material consequence of whatever happened; often, however, there's an additional cost of damage to the relationship, where one or both people feel taken advantage of, blamed or disrespected.
- v3
- In fact, it seems to me that the main thing that makes situations like this tough is that people don’t feel confident that they’ll be able to talk about it and reach some resolution.
- You've probably experienced having some interpersonal mistake or miscommunication, but then you talk about it and come to some clarity about what happened and why, and it makes total sense in retrospect, and you come out of the whole thing feeling closer to the person than you did before. And you've probably also experienced the reverse: even a small mistake, if you can't reconcile it, can lead to building frustration that sours or even ends a relationship altogether, or even results in harm to person or property, from vengefulness or even just a momentary release of pent-up anger.
- v3a
- You've probably had the experience of a mistake you or someone made, that you couldn't find a way to get on the same page about, leading to frustration or blame that sours or even ends a relationship altogether—perhaps even results in harm to person or property, from vengefulness or even just a momentary release of pent-up anger. Hopefully, you've also experienced the reverse: having some interpersonal mistake or miscommunication, but then you talk about it and come to some clarity about what happened and why, and it makes total sense in retrospect, and you come out of the whole thing feeling closer to the person than you did before.
- this other thing
- "I distrust Person if I expect that issues will arise between us that we will be unable to talk about in a way that is workable for me/us and leads to issues getting resolved to my/our satisfaction in good time"
- "I distrust Person if I expect that issues will arise between us that we will be unable to talk about in a way that is workable for me/us and find resolution to my/our satisfaction in good time"
- stuff from nnt section
- One friend to whom I mentioned I was working on something called "the non-naive trust dance" said something like "what do you mean, non-naive trust? all trust is non-naive. naive trust would be something like faith." I think there's a point to what he's saying, but in practice people do use "trust" to refer to the naive thing. It's partially in how we talk to each other—"you'll have to trust me on this"—but it happens at a level even before speech, in the way that people relate to their self-trust and others' trust in them.
- something about self-trust
- something about people wanting each other to trust them in ways they cannot do non-naively (comes up in pith post)
- < mention layering somehow? >
- stuff from dance section... I think I want to use this, but later
- There are patterns, for sure, but the actual dynamics generated between two people are specific and composed of many feedback loops of how you respond to my response to your response to my particular flavor of responsiveness. My close friend & collaborator Eric Chisholm has been teaching me how to dance West Coast Swing, and when I first had the chance to dance with someone other than him (which was after a few months, due to covid constraints) I ran into exactly this sort of scenario, where I was expecting my follower to do something, and they weren't, which led me to do a totally different thing because I was used to cuing off a certain thing Eric did which this follower didn't.