=== scraps
you're not including their perspective
which means that it's going to be hard for them to hear you
blindspot hard
==============
lots of people think that if you can see through someone's mask, that gives you a license to be a jerk about it
fun fact: anyone being a jerk about such things isn't seeing clearly. they're seeing *something*, but not the whole picture
someone pointing out something you're studiously avoiding creates a weird pressure—a mix of curiosity and defensiveness
a sign (to me) to go slowly and care-fully
among growthy communities, it's common for there to be pressure to dive headlong in
non-exhaustive list of reasons people hurt themselves on feedback they don't understand:
they're desperate for any feedback at all (perhaps from a fear of hurting others)
they're desperate for (your) attention
they think it's noble to let people cut them with verbal blades
it's common to talk about "cutting through spiritual materialism". circlers talk about "drawing blood". violent metaphors
riffing, perhaps, on Lakoff...
I prefer to see it as a dance
to be clear, by "being a jerk" here I don't quite mean "being cruel", in the sadistic sense
I mean "communicating in ways that jerk people around"
even me using the term "jerk" is probably an instance of the phenomenon I'm decrying here
bullshit
you may feel the need to name some bs that's going on, for your sanity or for onlookers'
but don't fool yourself into thinking that just because you've named something, you're actually attempting (let alone succeeding) at communicating it