February 22nd, 2021
- [30 Years Ago, Romania Deprived Thousands of Babies of Human Contact](it's describing pretty extreme cases)
- and asked
- If you listen to it, I'd really appreciate if you reflected to me what you got from it, including wtf you think the NNTD is after listening, so that I can have a gauge of whether it makes:
- (A) any sense at all
- (B) the same sense to other people that it makes to me
- and someone replied
- 1/4 I listened to this episode and it was interesting. Here's my attempt.
What I understood the NNTD to be is a way of getting to places in relationship with others that feel good. - 2/4 The main obstacle to this that I heard you describe is people feeling like they have to push away objections in order to keep being in relationship.
- 3/4 Your recommendation is to work to integrate these, first learning to acknowledge and see them for yourself, and then if it feels right, bringing them up in a way that feels acceptable with the other person.
- 4/4 Next, try to understand everything so deeply that you can get to outcomes that are not "compromises" (ie no resentments left). Another recommendation is to try to be non-defensive when another person seems not to trust you and ask you questions that hurt your dignity.
- Qiaochu sent me
- something punishment and expecting or wanting to be punished
- > tbh kind of wish there were and that they would just tell me exactly what my crimes are and what the punishment is so i can just take it
- > it's painful
waiting for the trial and the punishment
and even more painful to accept that it may never come, that you must decide, that you must let yourself be loved before you are judged
(I feel this)