benefits of monogamy (written from the perspective of a man who was formerly poly). not particularly intended to convince, or to say these outweigh costs. just naming them for further inspection.
🙂 focus and simplicity - if I'm attracted to someone, I can kinda just enjoy the moments of delight but then move on because it's just off the table (similar to right now when I'm doing alternate day fasting — 100× easier than trying to maintain a specific diet or calorie count while also eating)
😅 not feeling like I need to be seducing people at every party or dance context (a surprising one, and a huge relief)
🧘♀️ stability due to not finding some new partner that causes emotionally messy conflict with existing partnership (which people often don't realize it will until they're too deep in to easily back out)
🤑 get to stop worrying about sexual market value (a confused idea in the first place, but it points at something real that you do have to concern yourself with while single or poly)
🙄 if you and your partner are having bedroom issues, you have to actually deal with them rather than someone just going and sleeping with someone else (or someone saying "what if you got those needs met with someone else?" which a partner said to me once)
Oh and of course the classics:
💦 zero worry about someone else impregnating my woman
😬 zero worry about me impregnating someone else
Oh and a few more
⌚ there's something about time... hard to put my finger on how this is different from just like, other friendships. But there's something here about focus, again. Like if all of my romantic budget goes into making this one relationship awesome, that I get to keep forever (well, til death), then there's kind of a potential for really good ROI there. Like if Jess were seeing other people, or I would, that would just be such a huge distraction from us building our life together.
🕸️ dramatically fewer relationships to manage: one additional partner means 2 new relationships (between the lovers, between the metamours). decisions become more complicated. privacy becomes messier. who do you share google calendars and other info with? etc
🪢 simpler conflicts. there are gonna be enough tradeoffs to make between work and kids and spouse and everything else. best if my dick only gets to vote in one direction, rather than like, feeling torn because I'm horny during the first month postpartum and I'm tempted to try to squeeze in time to see a secondary partner while my wife is still recovering!