January 18th, 2023

edited 2023-01-18 · open in Roam

Applications of NNTD - "I can't trust that X" phrasing: people can't *trust* that there aren't microchips in the vaccines
- (their standards of proof or whatever might be absurd, their distrust might come from something other than the relevant facts or might be paranoid confabulation ie they feel strong distrust and they generate that idea as a way to explain why the distrust is there, but yeah. there is a way it would feel if they trusted that and they don't feel that)
- (maybe! I guess people could just be feeling the need to say that for some reason, like it's all verbal but disconnected from the actual physical reality... but I think this can still be modelled in terms of distrust)
kinkeeping
- context: this tiktok
- explicit goals
  - get to the beach
- implicit relational goals
  - woman often hold a goal of like
    - family together, love each other, happy, connected, etc
    - (or "friend group", "community", maybe even "team")
    - there's a trying-to-take-everyone's-perspectives
  - sub elements
    - everyone's fed, warm, bathroom'd
    - reaching out to make sure people are coming
- micro project management / tracking <- not per se kinkeeping
  - housekeeping work
  - which isn't about the work itself but about the tracking the reference level and perceived state
  - keep the house in a particular state
- Jess > my approach sometimes basically
  - if I'm holding more than 1/N of the goal, drop til I'm good & seek buy-in for the goal
- how would I present this to men in a post-guilt way...
  - kinda over-the-top
    - hey. men. here's a way to blow your wife's mind.
    - she's not going to expect you to know about this, but you're about to.
    - it's usually kept as a secret among women
    - you know how if your wife's carrying something heavy, and you can help carry it for her, it feels really good to lighten her load?
    - most women won't even talk about their heaviest burden—and that's fine, you don't need to talk about it either
      - (some aspects of it are best not talked about)
    - but it'll make her day if you can lighten it for her
    - < something about tracking the state of harmony in the family >
    - (make some analogy to a more male context, that would point at how just waiting for her to ask you to do stuff, or even asking for her to tell you to do stuff... isn't the thing)